The images in my photobook are selected from the many taken following the sudden death of my husband in early September 2020 and the subsequent winter lockdown of 2020/21. Taking my camera on my walks allowed me to connect with nature in an interactive way and enabled me to be in the moment, completely absorbed in looking at the world around me. This respite in nature became a much-needed way of quieting the chatter in my mind. Often the images mirrored my feelings and emotions as I was visually drawn to photograph a particular aspect of nature or landscape. Sometimes my surroundings would revive a memory, or become a catalyst in my grieving process, helping me to come to an understanding of my own personal emotional world. Many of the places photographed were visited regularly. Sometimes alone, and sometimes with others for essential human contact. This gave me the opportunity to revisit places and document their transformation over time and the seasons, allowing me to reflect on the change and the impermanence within my own life.
In part, the final image selection was made based on my emotional response to the images as I reviewed them. I also wanted to introduce a sense of narrative to my book, using the sequence of the landscape and nature photographs on the page to mirror my own continuing journey through an internal landscape of grief. It was a conscious decision not to include text on every page. I added some key texts that are personally important to me, but I also wanted the viewer to respond to the individual images in a way that is personal, reading the visual codes in the work in a way that is emotionally meaningful to them.
In the making, my book became both a tribute to my late partner Stuart and a personal document of living with grief in a global pandemic.